Repugnant. Hateful. Hatchet-faced.
That’s but a sample of the insults hurdled at sentient broomstick Ann Coulter during the course of Rob Lowe’s Comedy Central Roast — and those are just culled from Jimmy Carr’s routine. It gets way more vicious than that.
You may be wondering: What was the right-wing pundit and professional cringe merchant even doing there?
“I think the best daises are the daises that have people where you’re like what the (expletive)? You need every flavor to make these things go right and cut them all together for a show,” Lowe tells USA Today.
Ann Coulter’s reasoning? “I’m only here for all the love and respect I have for Rob Lowe and all of the talented performers tonight,” she said facetiously. “It has nothing to do with the book I published four days ago.”
Perhaps it was a brilliant strategical move on Lowe’s part, since Coulter’s presence effectively shifted the focus away from him, the expected jabs at his sex tape, nanny drama, and topsy-turvy career notwithstanding.
The phenomenon eventually inspired Coulter to say, “I’d like to welcome everyone to the Ann Coulter roast with Rob Lowe.”
Here are some of the most eviscerating highlights from The Roast of Rob Lowe, which airs on Labor Day on Comedy Central:
Comedian Jeff Ross, dressed as Prince:
“Ann Coulter wants to help Trump make America great again. You can start by wearing a burka. You have a face that would make doves cry. That voice, it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard in an inner-city school you wanna defund. Ann’s against gay marriage. What’s your thinking on that? If I can’t get a husband they shouldn’t, either?”
Saturday Night Live’s Pete Davidson:
If you are here, Ann, who is scaring the crows away from our crops?”
Former NFL quarterback Peyton Manning:
I just realized that I’m not the only athlete up here tonight. As you all know, earlier this year Ann Coulter won the Kentucky Derby.”
Comedian Nikki Glaser:
Ann Coulter has written 11 books, 12 if you count Mein Kampf. Ann, you’re awful. The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave.”
Comedian and Roast Master David Spade:
She seems stiff and conservative, but Ann gets wild in the sheets. Just ask the Klan. It looks like she’s having a good time. I haven’t seen her laugh this hard since Trayvon Martin got shot.”
Folk singer Jewel:
As a feminist I can’t support everything that’s been said tonight, but as someone who hates Ann Coulter, I’m delighted.”