Some things you just learn with age, and on a recent r/askgaybros Reddit thread, dudes revealed what dating advice they’d tell their younger selves. Their words of wisdom range the gamut from using Grindr to chasing straight guys to cultivating self-confidence and self-worth. Here’s an assortment of the comments posted on the thread so far, edited for readability.

  • “Don’t stay up late on Grindr. It is never worth it.”
  • “Don’t be shy. You can totally have him.”
  • “Confidence! Cultivate it, fake it, whatever. Stop apologizing for being who you are or where you’re at in life!”
  • “Be single for a while and learn who you are. Listen to those gut feelings, and when someone shows you who they are, listen.”
  • “Converting straight guys is useless.”
  • “Calm down, Cinderella. Prince Charming doesn’t exist, and love is not a fairy tale.”
  • “Don’t date closeted men.”
  • “Put your efforts into studies, work and social life, and good things will happen eventually. Don’t worry and don’t hurry.”
  • “Place yourself first because trying to please others won’t work.”
  • “Relax, breathe, and let yourself enjoy the moment.”
  • “Don’t be shy! Express yourself! Put yourself first, don’t be a people pleaser, and don’t let yourself fall too hard for him.”
  • “Don’t automatically invest everything into a guy when he has yet to show any real interest.”
  • “Don’t sell yourself short/take sh*t from anyone. Also don’t try to change yourself just so someone will like you. It’s difficult but be as true to yourself as possible.”
  • “Don’t be so afraid of rejection, and put yourself out there. Smile and say hello to anyone you find attractive. No one is ‘out of your league.’”
  • “You’re allowed to have standards. Don’t waste your time with very questionable people just because they give you attention.”
  • “Don’t overthink things, the vast majority of first dates and hookups aren’t going to lead to anything serious, and that’s OK if you just enjoy them for what they are.”

What would you tell your younger self? Let us know your heard-earned lessons in the comment section below.

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