Reddit user ItsTimeToBeHonest432 asked his fellow Gay Bros for advice on how to come out as gay to his girlfriend of three years. (You can read that post regarding his struggle here.)
After receiving feedback from the Reddit Gay Bros community, he took the plunge and told his girlfriend.
Here, he shares what went down:
She was supposed to get home at 9:30 so I sat on the edge of the bed, rehearsing what I was going to say over and over from about 9pm. I had tears in my eyes long before she ever got home but the wait was excruciating. Finally at about 9:45 I hear a car door shut and I knew she was about to walk in.
She opens the door and sees me sitting there on the side of the bed looking like shit and immediately rushes over saying “whats wrong baby, what’s wrong?” and then I try to say the lines I had rehearsed a hundred times in my head.
Me: “There’s something I have to tell you.”
Her: “What’s that? What’s wrong? Just tell me!!”
Me: “I haven’t been honest with you, and I can’t keep lying to you.” My voice was shaking at this stage as I tried to get the words out. “There’s no easy way for me to say this but, I’m gay.”
She kinda just sat there with a stunned look on her face, with no real emotion so I just kept talking.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I don’t want it to be this way and I didn’t tell you earlier because I didn’t want to lose my best friend. If I could change it I would because I do love you but I’m gay.”
She still didn’t react just kind of stared at me for a long while and I didn’t know what to do so I just started crying but by this stage I had already just about used my tears all my so I’m pretty sure I just looked like an idiot and then she finally after what seemed like forever started rubbing my back and saying “what are you talking about? It’s ok don’t cry” and so I basically told her again and as I was repeating myself for the second time did I start to see the realization on her face of what this meant.
She slowly took her hand off my back and I looked at her and she had this blank stare, not looking at anything and so distant and she quietly says “you.. you’re gay?”.
I look at her and nodded and that’s when the tears started flowing for her, I can’t exactly remember how the conversation went at this stage because I had drunk a bottle of wine before she got home to give me the confidence to go through with it and that combined with the emotions leaves a lot of this as a blur. However after a long period of crying she starts to pull herself together and looks at me:
Her: “But we can still be together right?”
Agh this hurt me, I didn’t exactly know how to respond so I just kind of looked at her for while without saying anything. After a few seconds of this she starts bawling even harder than before and I go to put my arms around her and he squeezes me tight.
“I don’t want to lose you” she says through a veil of tears.
“I don’t want to lose you either” I replied. As I mentioned before she is genuinely my best friend and I do love her, to just get up and leave was not at all what I wanted to do.
Her: “But you like guys?”
Her: “Well you can’t completely like guys right?? We’ve been together for 3 years and you have no problems when we’re intimate”.
Me: “I know, I don’t think I am fully gay either, but I feel more gay than straight right now, like 70-30% and it’s making me feel really depressed. I can’t focus or do anything productive with my days because I feel like I’m lying to myself and you constantly.”
Her: “So you’re Bi? Do you just want to sleep with other guys is that why you’re doing this?? Do you just want to go home so badly that you’re saying your gay just to break up with me?”
This was tough because it’s not true, this woman is my best friend and I didn’t just want to go home and forget about her and I also don’t want her to think that it’s her fault because it isn’t and I could see that is where this was going.
Me: “I’ve known I was gay since before I even met you but I just didn’t want to admit it, I thought that since I also watch straight porn sometimes that I was going through a phase and that I’d just kind of grow out of it. But as I have gotten older the feelings have just intensified and it’s starting to make me feel really bad, it’s not your fault at all.”
Then out of nowhere she tells a lame little joke, just a small one that we usually do every day which would normally give me a little smile or a small giggle and I’d give an equally lame response. But boy did I laugh, it was so unexpected and because of how serious the conversation had been up until this moment and what I was expecting that I gave a huge full belly laugh and couldn’t stop for ages and I saw her give me a little smile. She then leaned over to me and put her arms around my waist and said
“Can we stay together for a while longer? I can’t let you go just yet, you mean everything to me and I can’t imagine my life without you.
Maybe you just think you’re gay but when you try it you might not like it. Or maybe you are Bi and when you hook up with a guy you might want to come back to a girl? Perhaps maybe we could invite a guy over for a 3some or something? Would you like that?”
I was kind of surprised by this because we had talked about 3somes in the past and she had said that she could never share me with someone else. I asked her about that and she replied “yeah well I thought you would want another girl you idiot” (lol).
So I thought about it for a while as she held me and I rubbed my hand on her back and told her “fair enough, but no promises. I won’t book my flight home now and we can try some stuff, but if I still feel this way after we experiment I can’t say that I’ll be around forever.
And that’s where we are now, we kinda just hung out and lay there and she asked me questions about my sexuality, what I found attractive and what kind of guys I am into and I told her completely honestly. I told her that I like to imagine myself as the girl in the relationship, which then she asked if I was trans and I said no but I do see myself as a bottom. I asked her if she suspected anything and she said not at all (which I was surprised about honestly). After a while she got up and brushed her teeth and we got into bed and talked some more and then she fell asleep at about 1am.
Boy did I feel great, I felt like I had this huge pressure just lifted off my chest that had been there for so long! I couldn’t control the huge smile I had and despite the fact that I hadn’t slept at all the previous night due to anxiety I had so much energy that I ended up staying awake till about 3am. I just kind of lay there feeling how great it was to be honest and wondering what the future held for me.
I didn’t know how it was going to go, whether or not she was going to freak out and scream at me or just break down but I’d have to say this was probably the best outcome I could hope for. She knows exactly where I stand sexually now and is OK with it, she has said that she wants to be friends still no matter what happens in the future and that makes me extremely happy too.
Thanks again for all the support, you guys gave me the confidence to go through with something I had bailed on so many times before and I thank you again. Take it easy gaybros!
What do you think of the way he handled it, Instincters?