Hello, everyone! I am Marius, from Romania and this is my confession. It has been hard for me to talk to anyone about my problems, because at first I didn’t know exactly what those problems were (I just knew something was off) and then I found them to be too embarrassing to state them out openly. Even if some of them were obvious, like the fact that I consider myself ugly and unappealing. Most likely this is the reason for which I have reached 28 years of age and have never been involved in a relationship. Which brings us to the next big issue and that is the fact that I like boys. Since as long as I can remember, I looked at other boys with that lust and desire, with which regular guys look at girls and this has been a problem for me for a long time.
You can’t possibly imagine what it is like to be a young gay in Romania and what difficulties you need to overcome if you are to be happy and satisfied with who you are. This society rejects everything that isn’t part of the norm and this is one word that haunted me for many years. At one point, during high school, I remember my colleagues were becoming suspicious as to what would be the reason for me not having any girlfriend. However, they soon started to attribute it to the fact that I was an ugly looking guy and I think that was the only time in my life when I was happy with my appearance. At least it diverted the attention from the more important aspects. But I was still suffering. As a teenager, you are going through a period of self-discovery. This is the perfect time for getting in love, experimenting and finding out more about yourself and about the world. I was being denied all of that, merely because the society that I live in is reluctant to anything that may disturb the natural flow. A gay is an abomination in many people’s eyes. Also, family support was nonexistent. My mother divorced from my father since before I was born and we both lived together in a small apartment, struggling with what we had. I have never seen my father besides in those few pictures that my mother kept.
I am now 28 and I am dying to find someone to love and share my passions, my hobbies, my feelings with. Or, at least, I was until 2 months ago, when I met David.
I work as a pizza delivery boy and one day I had to deliver an order across the town, in an area where I haven’t had been that many times. The neighborhood seemed to belong to rich folks and this became obvious when I noticed the huge villa that corresponded to my delivery address. A young guy showed up, not too tall, but with some exquisite eyes and an amazingly fit body. I must have remained stunned, because I saw his smile and I immediately blushed and started to stammer, like I always do when I get nervous.
He gave me the payment, but I didn’t have change and all I wanted was to just get out of there.
“- Do you mind if you wait until I will go look for some change?” he told me. “You can come too, if you want, I’ll give you a glass of water to make your wait worth it.”
I liked his personality, but I was still a bit embarrassed. I accepted the offer, nonetheless, and he led me into his huge house and told me to wait there. I will never forget the impression I got from noticing his lifestyle. I figured that is how a happy man looks like and I became a bit jealous.
So it’s the second part of the story I’ve made love to my brother…without knowing.