A gay man in his 30s is struggling with more than half a decade of singledom. He wonders: Will he ever find his Prince Charming?
“I’m a single man in my mid-30s,” the man writes to advice columnist Mariella Frostrup. “I was something of a monogamist throughout my 20s with only three relationships by 30. I’ve now been single for six years.”
The man goes on to say that he’s only had one relationship that he felt truly happy in. It didn’t work out, however. And now that he’s had a taste of Heaven, he’s not sure he’ll ever find anything that compares.
“My problem is, having experienced what I’d consider to be a ‘good’ relationship, I’m now finding it very difficult to find another,” he explains. “Finding someone I fancy and like (in the friendship sense) and who likes and fancies me is like searching for a needle in a haystack.”
Yup, sounds like dating!
“I’ve met guys I fancy and guys I like, and sometimes even guys I like and fancy,” he continues, “but never one where it’s been reciprocated. Maybe I’m being a bit idealistic, but it seems to take gay men longer to settle down than their straight brothers and sisters.”
“Should I be more flexible?” he wonders. “I suppose I’m looking for reassurance that aspiring to have this type of connection is a reasonable thing to be pitching for.”
In her response, Frostrup basically tells the man that maybe he needs to stop trying so hard and just have fun.
“People meet in mysterious ways,” she says. “Insisting on a relationship where friendship and sex are equal partners from the outset may be narrowing your field.”
“Most people don’t want to talk long-term before their short-term desires have been sated,” she continues. “It might seem like I’m stating the obvious, but perhaps you’re approaching this whole dating game too seriously.”