How can you tell if you are gay?

It sounds like a silly question

I am aware of how dumb this sounds, but, if you have been through what I have been, you will see where I am going with this. It may seem like a given that most people pretty much know what is going on with them, but that just is not true. Not everybody will realize the truth about their sexuality until they become adults and, in some cases, they are already deeply involved in the wrong relationship.

But let me tell you where I come from, so you understand how my experience has a strong impact in writing this article. I considered myself straight for most of my life so far. When I was in my early 20s, I got into martial arts and went for Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Got my black belt in 3 and a half years, which is pretty fast.

But that is not the point. The point is that BJJ is about rolling on the ground with other guys, as there are minimal striking techniques involved. It is all about ground fight. And, during those sparring sessions, I was always feeling a bit awkward. Let’s say aroused, shall we? None of my training partners realized how much I enjoyed the sparring sessions and I didn’t want to make it awkward to them.

But that was the first time I ever realized something was different about me. And I was 24 years of age. Picture that!

So, I thought to myself, finding out such an important thing about yourself that late during your life must be somewhat annoying. Surely, there are easier ways to learn the truth about your sexuality, right? And indeed there are.

Here are some of the most important:

1. What are you dreaming about?

Although it may it seem like it dreams don’t matter that much, allow me to prove otherwise. Dreams are actually entanglements between reason and imagination. And during sleep your reason center is being disabled, allowing for the subconscious to take over. It is important to pay attention to what you are dreaming about, because, if you have recurrent sexual or erotic dreams involving men, it may be a sign you subconsciously refuse the obvious.

2. You hate or intentionally avoid gay people

This is usually a sign you might actually be attracted to them. Did you know that there are a lot of studies showing that those who manifest extreme homophobic behaviors actually tend to be homosexual? They are living in denial and living in denial will eventually take its toll on you. Go for an honest introspection of who you really are, because the harsh truth is nowhere near as painful as a comfortable lie backfiring.

3. You are trying to bow by others’ rules

You either have a lot of friends who manifest hate or disapproval towards gays or your own family fits the criteria. Whatever the case may be, you are simply trying to blend with the crowd, leading you to accept life values that don’t fit you at all. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices if you are to be happy, including changing your social life, if there is no other option available.

4. Your sexual fantasies are drawn towards the same sex, but you refuse to admit it

Both men and women have constant sexual fantasies, because sexuality is an instinct. We can control our behavior, but we can’t control our thoughts. Now, this is the perfect time to be honest to yourself. Do you have sexual fantasies with other men? Then it may be the time to reconsider your stance. You might find out your entire life has been a lie.

5. You become uncomfortable when the subject pops out

Since you are in denial, you will most likely avoid lingering near the subject of homosexuality too much. You will avoid making and enjoying jokes that fall in that category, so that should be a sign that maybe you are not totally honest with yourself.

6. You are not really attracted to the opposite sex

Think of the way you feel when being around persons of the opposite sex. As a straight male, you should manifest a certain sexual attraction towards some, if not all, of them. This is a natural, biological response. If you lack that, it may be a sign something is upside down in your case. And to test that, analyze how you feel towards persons of the same sex. That should give you a pretty good idea about where you stand.

Start walking in your own shoes

Caring about what others think about you, or about what they say your life should look like, is always a step back in pursuing your happiness. Nobody knows what is best for you. That is up for you to decide. Studies have shown that introverts, who tend to take everything too personal and doubt themselves on a regular basis, show an increased tendency towards depression and, in the more serious cases, suicide.

The inclination towards suicide, in the case of homosexuals, it is primarily caused by the fact that they are unable to accept themselves for who they are. It is this internal conflict that leads to so many tragic cases. We need to stop this buzz about homosexuality. It is out there, all over the world, it has entered the notion of “common”, get over it people!

Go for it, tiger!

What you need to do is to realize what makes you happy, what defines you as a human being and embrace it, with both the good and the bad. You cannot change your nature, try as you might. So why not get comfortable with it and forget everything else?

It is in your power to achieve happiness and the first way to do that is to accept your true nature. Go fall in love and you will definitely change your mind.