Hi, I am Steven and I can honestly say I have only discovered what being happy means after my straight friend Rooney helped me. We are childhood friends and basically we have done everything together, starting with the first years of school and ending with college and the job integration.
We now both work for the same company, he as an accountant and myself as a jurist and many of those who have met us asked us if we are lovers, which always amused him and saddened me.
This is because I have always known I am gay and I have never told that to anyone, not even him, or my parents. I thought of it like something shameful, somewhat of an affection I needed to get rid of. I tried having a girlfriend all my life. I have actually tried and the fact that I am 32 should be pretty compelling.
Nobody knows why my relationships never work except me. I love men and I have always have, it is just that I have never had the courage of accepting that. It was not about the fact that other people could find out, it was that I could not accept it.
Until Rooney and I spent that night in the bar several months ago. It supposed to be a guys’ night, where we would have fun, make out with unknown women and live life to its fullest. I knew I was in for trouble right from the beginning.
There was no way for me to flirt with any woman there. It just seemed awkward to me and I had already been through 3 different disastrous relationships that had left their fingerprint on me. But I could not refuse the opportunity either. We were all coworkers and it would have seemed rude.
It was only around the midnight that I spotted him. A tall guy, blond haired, athletic with a pair of blue eyes only matched by his blazing white smile. I liked him instantly and hated myself for that at the same time. And that is when I heard Rooney’s words into my ear:
“Go get him, tiger, what are you waiting for?”
I obviously tried to make a joke out of it, presuming that it was a joke from his part. I was obviously wrong.
“Seriously, what are you waiting for? This is our night. Stop being such a pussy”.
To this day I have no idea how he found out I was gay, but I cannot but appreciate his commitment towards me as a friend. He has not told anyone the truth about me and treated the whole matter like it was not such a big deal at all. Which I must say it kind of bothered me in the beginning, because I saw it as a crucially important problem.
But only now I can see the truth. And the truth is that Rooney actually saved my life in a way. His attitude of mocking the drama I was going through actually helped me realizing I was creating the drama and that it only existed in my head.
He supported me all the way and told me that only when I will accept myself will I be able to know what happiness is. And he was right. I have a boyfriend now and I am no longer ashamed with who I am. This is because, no matter how ashamed or revolted I have been in the past, nothing really changed. I remained gay and all my anger and denial ended up hurting me more than accepting my true nature would have. And to no avail also.
So I decided to embrace my homosexuality like the thing that defines me. I am gay and I am no longer afraid of admitting it and it was all with the help of my straight friend, whose help was priceless.
