Why I’ll Never Be Insecure Around Gay Men • Instinct Magazine

Credit: Ryan Shea

There seems to be a very sad disconnect going on in the gay community.

The divide between men who are in shape compared to ones that aren’t are still rampant in our world. Deny it all we want, but it exists. 

This is something that I, along with many others, have seen at plenty of gay events where the muscle dudes hang on one side and everyone else scatters to their own groups.

I will have to admit, however, that this isn’t ALWAYS the case. There are instances where men of all sizes hang out, party together and have a good time. This was evident at some of the events I attended during WorldPride in New York City last month, where shade appeared to be the farthest thing from anyone’s minds.

This problem still occurs, regardless, although it mostly appears to be happening in people’s minds and not in reality. Gay men talk to me all the time about how insecure they feel when they’re around guys who have societally better physiques than them. 

That mindset prevents them from being their truest self while out and about and causes them to stay indoors as opposed to experiencing all this community has to offer.

I will never, ever, be that person. I used to be when I entered this world fifteen years ago, but things change as you get older and a great amount of confidence sets in. 

It’s up to you to find that within yourself, regardless of age, but this all started for me in my late 20’s when I stopped giving a crap what people thought about me and embraced who I was regardless of what size shirt I wore.

I recently did a travel series during Los Angeles Pride that included a pool party at a trendy hotel in Beverly Hills as part of my itinerary. 95 percent of the people there were the stereotypical LA types with chiseled features and incredible physiques. I still had my top off the entire time with my belly out during what was a really fun day on the west coast.

Were people staring at me and maybe laughing at my body type? Maybe. Perhaps they were texting each other and asking why I was even there in the first place? Yeah, that could’ve happened. Except I don’t care.

I spent my time talking to as many people as possible while there because I see all of us on an equal playing field. No one is better than anyone. That’s another issue I wish we would all work on is to stop putting people on a pedestal that are on the same level as you.

RuPaul has a quote similar to this that I live by: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” That sentence would make the world a much better place to live in if we stopped caring about what everyone thought about us.

I’m not here to live for you and your opinions on me, I’m here to enjoy this short time on earth by doing me and if you have a problem with that then that’s on you.

The mentality that I have may not be for some, and that’s cool. But I am someone who refuses to limit myself in the gay community because I don’t fit into what society has thrown at us for decades.

So, yes, I will have another slice of pizza. And no, I don’t care if you think I need to go to the gym afterwards to burn it off. 

You live your life, I’ll live mine. Simple as that.