My name is Bruce and I’ve been married to my wife for the past 9 years. I could definitely say that we are in love with each other and our feelings didn’t fade with time, but strengthen. We have 2 kids together, we are living in the upper class and you could say that we are living the dream life that everyone wants. I don’t think we’ve really seriously argued about anything and we’re pretty much soul mates. But something happened recently that made me question not only who I am, but the whole life I have been living.
I remember when I was younger that I didn’t feel that attracted to girls, but then again, my parents were not the kind to care much about these types of conversations so I pretty much educated myself. After I’ve reached 22 years of age I met Diane, my future wife, and our marriage sealed the deal. It was love at first sight for her, not so much for me. But I grew up loving her and I would definitely say that we are pretty much inseparable now. I am 32 now and I have everything anyone would want. But I have always felt something’s amiss. I felt something distinctively burning inside me, like an itch you cannot scratch. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew where it came from. It was related to my sexual life. I wasn’t satisfied, but I couldn’t say why. It was something that wouldn’t let me be, a feeling of incompleteness, a void that my wife simply could not fill.
I tried to ignore that feeling, but it seemed like an impossible task. I wasn’t happy and I became more aware of that by the day. Only after a while I have actually realized that I am attracted to men, but I have always ignored it. I thought it was just childhood whim that will go away with the age. I was realizing now that it didn’t and it was haunting me day by day and night by night. I knew I had to do something because I was becoming increasingly depressed.
So one night I went to a gay club. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, I was just curious since I had never entered in such a location. The beginning of the night was a bit awkward, I have to say that. I felt like I was on another planet actually. Then a guy approached me and I immediately wanted to tell him that I am not interested, but I couldn’t. I was actually. It was like I was not myself at that time. We’ve talked for few hours, drank some good wine and I actually began liking him. His name was Dave and he was also married to a woman.
That seemed interesting. It looked like I wasn’t the only one in that position and this simple fact made me look at Dave from another stance. I suddenly felt an attraction towards him. He was a handsome man, in his late 30s, just looking to exorcize that feeling that he was missing something. And looking to have fun, of course. I don’t remember the first time he kissed me that night, but I knew it was some of the most intense moments of my life. My head was spinning and I felt my feet leaving me. I felt like I was transported to another world. We went to a hotel and we’ve made love. It was my first experience of that nature and I thought that I could finally get it off my system. But I was wrong.
The next days I realized that I kept thinking about Dave more and more. He was always present in my mind and in my heart. I was falling for him. We’re still secretly meeting and he is definitely a part of my life now.
I am now in an awkward position of not being able to distinguish between the love I feel for my wife and the love I feel for Dave. I have no idea what to do next, but I know one thing for sure: love is a complicated thing indeed.
