Where we live there are no such things as freedom and happiness. It is all death and suffering and I have found this on my own after my boyfriend received a death sentence simply based on his sexual orientation. You cannot possibly comprehend the pain and suffering that this has caused us and you cannot understand the evil of a society that will deny your basic rights, regardless of your suffering.
I have been gay for my entire life, but my parents kept it secret from the public knowledge in order to protect me. They have taught me the caution that I will have to adopt in the future for my sake and for those around me.
When I was little I did not consider this as essential. I did not see why should I retain myself from sharing my feelings with those around me, which is why I have always thought my parents were cruel to me in some way. We always fought over this subject until I have reached about 16 years of age and I started noticing some of the particularities of the society I was living in. I have noticed that most of those around me manifested something between fear and hate towards gays. It was like they were talking about a dangerous disease and soon I became a bit more cautious with those around me. I never spoke to anyone about my sexual orientation and I did my best to blend in as best as I could, hoping that I will not be noticed in any way.
But it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I was going through an age where my hormones were raging and I desperately felt the need for love and affection like never before. I had to wait until I have reached 26 to have my first sexual experience. It was with a man in his early 30s, the man that would later become my lover. He taught me the value of love and affection and he gave me hope for a better life than what I was leading. I desperately fell in love with him. He was my savior, my lover, everything I loved in life and I felt like I was the happiest human being in the world.
I have never experienced love before, but I am now sure that this is love. I can feel it deep inside me. It is like a fire burning in my chest every time he hugs me and offers me his heart and his lips. This is the kind of love that would last for a lifetime. Or so I thought.
Couple of days ago he got arrested and a dark thoughts were crowding in my head. Why, what did it happened? I had to wait for a whole excruciating day until I finally have the chance to visit him. I had to pose as one of his relatives in order not to raise any suspicions. That is when I found out that he has been found guilty of homosexual behavior, but he told me that no one knew about our relationship. He said that they have found out about him from a former relation that he has been through in the past.
He said he is going to protect me, and that everything will be fine, but I know what is going to happen. It is what always happens with people found guilty of homosexual behaviors. He is going to be publicly executed and I have no means to help him. I do not know what to do.
