The 12 Phases of Gay Sex

What you are about to read is based on scientific researches and it has been determined as compiling common practices that every gay couple are involved in. I mean, who doesn’t have sex like this, am I right?

You cannot have proper gay sex without going through the next crucial 12 steps, so pay attention:

1. It all starts with a hug and a soft kiss. After watching a good old romance like Ghost, or a tragic gay love story like Brokeback Mountain, bodies need a warm hug to mend their grief and sadness. And a soft kiss to ensure all will be alright.
2. Some music is needed to wash away the tears from so much drama, and dance on groovy beats to the bedroom.
3. Once in the bedroom it’s time for some more romance, and if you they don’t have candles, gay men will light the disco ball.
4. Gay men know the importance of a soft feel during sex, so before the fun begins they change the normal sheets with satin ones, and they bring some water not to dehydrate, it’s going to be a marathon.
5. Straight people think that gays have only one sex position, they cannot know about “the unicorn” and the other dozen of gay secret positions. The position of church regarding gay marriage is not included.

6. During sex, gays don’t watch gay porn, they just imagine Kim Davis in an interracial lesbian movie.
7. For lube they use a special cream made from the tears of the homophobes and magical potion from unicorns.
8. When they cum, the disco ball generates a rain of confetti followed by a rainbow.
9. One of them groans until a second rainbow appears and the other screams “I want to gay free”. In the background George Michael sings “You have been loved.”
10. When the both men ejaculate, little stars appear on the satin sheet and a moon in case the orgasms had tremendous intensity.
11. After sex the two men shake hands and set another bedroom meeting for the following day. They put their clothes on and the old sheets back on the bed. Turn off the disco ball and the music, and leave the room neatly.

12. Now they go into the living room for  “The Real Housewives of New York”