Hi there! I am Samuel, 28 years old and I am straight. There is no doubt about that and I have never even considered that I might be into guys until I have reached this age. It is now when I have realized that sexuality is more complex that I thought it was. This sort of experience can be a life changer and I still do not know how it affected my life yet, but it certainly has.
Like I said, I have considered myself straight for my entire life, but this is not simply because I never got into contact with the other side, because, believe me, I have a lot of gay friends and I have never had any problem discussing about this aspect with them. Bottom line is – I never felt attracted by the same sex. The fact that I like girls is a certainty. However, the latest happening threw a bit of a shade on my convictions and now I do not know what to believe anymore.
Like I said, I have a lot of gay friends. I don’t know how this happened, but it is the way it is. I am a very social friendly guy and I like spending quality time with my friends whenever possible. This means that I constantly meet new and interesting people, since I get to travel a lot. This is how I met Steven, a gay guy, extremely friendly and open, with whom I have had a lot of great moments together. We used to meet around 8-13 guys and got to a club and party until the sunlight would remind us that the night had gone. I cannot deny it, I love the way my life turned out so far. But the interesting part was yet to come.
It all happened 2 days ago when we were out partying and the night quickly turned wild. We were 10 of the best friends gathered, Steven among them, and I don’t think I have ever got that wasted in my entire life. I remember making out with two different girls that night. I do not even remember how they looked like or what their name was. It was a bit weird. But the part that was the weirdest and that I remember the clearest was when I was left alone with Steven at one point. I don’t really remember where the other guys went, but I think they were absent for about an hour or so. Steven and I began to talk about different things and it did not take long until he told me that he had fallen for me. This was nothing new actually, since it happened to me before.
Even some of my best friends told me at one point that they considered me appealing and sexy, but I don’t think any of them ever declared their love for me, like Stevens was doing. When this sort of thing happened, I almost always felt good and almost honored. I think it is a nice feeling to be admired, regardless whether by women or men. It gives you confidence in yourself knowing that those around you think you are attractive.
So, yea, it felt good hearing Steven saying those things about me, but I also felt obliged to tell him that I was straight and that I could not see myself in a gay relationship. At which point he said: “Well, you sure have a lot of gay friends for a straight guy”. I never thought about this in those terms, but I guess that could be interpreted in different ways, so I totally understood his point. But before I got the chance of saying anything, he suddenly kissed me and I was totally caught off-guard. It was a short kiss that ended before I even realized what was happening, then, before I had time to get to my senses, another one came, this time more passionate than the first. It felt so wrong, yet so good at the same time and despite going against all of my principles, I could not reject him.
We kissed passionately and that was the first time that I ended up making love to a guy. It was something that I never would have thought possible. Yet it happened and I am trying to figure out where I stand at this point. I mean, the obvious answer is that I am bisexual, but even this goes against everything I thought about myself. Even though this happened 2 days ago and I was totally drunk, I can remember it quite clearly and I cannot deny that I have enjoyed those moments.
I guess there is nothing left for me to do other than accept the fact that I like boys just the same as girls and what will the future have in store for me is yet to be revealed.
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