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In this edition of GAY TIMES’ polyamory advice column, Leanne Yau breaks down the non-monogamous community’s opinions on sex work. 

WORDS LEANNE YAU

Welcome to A Polyamorous Perspective, an advice column where I, Leanne Yau – a bisexual, polyamorous, and neurodivergent educator, writer, advocate, and expert at Taimi – answer your burning questions on navigating all things non-monogamy. I’ve been in various forms of open relationships since 2016, and have been publicly sharing tips, personal stories, and resources on how to practise healthy, sustainable polyamory since 2020 on my page, @polyphiliablog.

First things first, I’m really sorry that this happened. It’s horrific that you received such an unexpected negative reaction from someone you thought you could trust, especially someone who you wanted a more committed relationship from. I’m honestly as confused as you are that this happened, as from what I have seen, most non-monogamous people are much more accepting and inclusive of sex workers than monogamous people are, though my experience is of course not universal.

Is the non-monogamous community supportive of sex workers?

A lot of monogamous people would hesitate to date a sex worker because they are unable to separate the sex that one has in an intimate relationship, and sex that one has as a performance and a professional transaction, and view all sex outside of a relationship as infidelity regardless of the context in which it is had. Because of this misconception, while there are sex workers who do desire monogamous relationships, many sex workers opt for non-monogamy due to the lack of requirement for sexual exclusivity and a higher likelihood of sharing similar values on sexual and bodily autonomy.

Having said that, sex work is still widely misunderstood and stigmatised, and many people don’t view it as a valid profession, even those who consider themselves progressive in their values and have done the work to embrace non-traditional relationships. Just