S, via emailYour letter reminds me of what the late Tony Wilson, Manchester icon of the 1980s and ’90s, used to say. He juggled a life of complexities – local TV presenter by day, club owner and rock impresario by night, complicated personal relationships.
When his worlds collided, Tony would calmly observe, ‘If it wasn’t complicated, it wouldn’t be life.’Your life is certainly complicated, S, but is that necessarily all to the bad?
Complicated lives can be seen as enriched ones. You’ve had the courage to make a life-changing decision and see it through; you have embarked on a relationship that seems to have been, initially at least, mutually fulfilling.Now things have become more difficult.
Your lover clearly still loves you and wants to be with you, but her sexual needs have partly refocused on men (specifically, a male friend of yours, although it seems she has now ended her affair with him).