heteroflexible. While Romans could be a bit squeamish about same-sex relationships between grown men, they generally abandoned this discomfort for Saturnalia. Instead, this festival aimed to emulate the queertastic parties of ancient Greece, and featured, in the words of one historian, “boys running naked through the streets, women dressed as men, masters of the house waiting on slaves, and an overabundance of wine, cunnilingus, and fruitcake.” Sadly, as humanity closed out the 4th century, Saturnalia slowly receded into the past while It Boy Jesus Christ began to steal all the attention.
Then, through a savvy combination of political maneuvering and appropriation of paganism, Christians transformed it into a completely new holiday, Christmas, that eventually dominated the zeitgeist. And lest Faith Hill suddenly enters the chat and screams, “Where are you, Saturnalia,” don’t worry. It’s here inside us: in evergreen wreaths, gift-giving, packed dinner tables, and candlelit altars.
All of those started with a giant gay bender.Oh, but speaking of Jesus Christ, he was probably gay, too. Relax, it’s not just me. Many people have been theorizing this since as early as the 16th century.
Exhibit A: Kit Marlowe, one-time rival of William Shakespeare, attracted undue criticism after proffering a “Jesus is gay” theory in Elizabethan England. He was also allegedly murdered for it. Exhibit B: Just 40 years prior, the same fate befell Francesco Calcagno, who lost his head after accusing Jesus of having a daddy-twink relationship with his disciple John.But Marlowe and Calcagno had a point, and the proof is in the painting.
In many depictions of the Last Supper, the disciple John is seen next to Jesus, resting his head on the latter’s breast. Additionally, in the Bible, Jesus beseeches his mother to adopt John into his family, betraying a, well, special love for the disciple. All of this, combined with the unusual fact that Jesus was an unmarried Hebrew rabbi, was enough evidence
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Life
Christmas
History
Jesus Christ
William Shakespeare