When ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ Miss the Mark: Restaurants Rethink Gender’s Role in Service
nytimes.comLOS ANGELES — As Anaelia Ovalle stood outside a restaurant here deciding whether to go in, the host extended a friendly greeting: “Hello, sir.” But the phrase didn’t feel all that welcoming to Ovalle, 27, who identifies as nonbinary and uses the pronouns “they” and “them.” Ovalle has an androgynous appearance.
And as they asked for a menu, they could see the wheels turning in the host’s head, registering the pitch of their voice and noticing details like their eyeliner and painted nails.
The host quickly retreated, calling them “ma’am.” “It’s just funny that they resort to flipping it,” said Ovalle, a machine-learning researcher. “The assumption is that gender is binary.
It’s like, ‘Oh, wait, not sir, ma’am!’ It points to the need to have more ways of addressing people in a gender-neutral way.” People with gender identities that differ from the sex they were assigned at birth (including transgender and nonbinary people) — known as gender-expansive — have long faced discrimination and violence.
