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Ask Howard • 10-21-22

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Trick? Or treat? Where the hell has all the cat food gone? I mean, it’s not like we’re talking Beluga caviar here, or Alaskan King crab or Bluefin tuna — ordinary cat food, is all: The scraps of the scraps of the scraps!

Are we living in Soviet Moscow, circa 1922? Why are all the grocery shelves still so continuously barren? And it’s no longer just toilet paper, hand sanitizers or bottled water, either.

No, that was so two years ago already. Now it’s literally everything! To purchase simple pet food should hardly be requesting the exotically esoteric.

It’s not like I’m seeking out, oh, a Venus 2000 Tremblr human penis-milking machine! Roo and Miss Pineapple — my 17-year-old orange Abyssinian and 5-year-old British Blue Tortoiseshell, respectively — are accustomed to a certain level of regular, nutritional expectations.

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