It took me a long time to come out as bisexual – because I had a boyfriend
In my opinion, there’s double insecurity. I feel that there’s uncertainty about the reaction on both sides: fearing homophobic prejudice from straight groups, and fearing lack of acceptance from queer groups for not being a ‘full’ member (especially if you’re in a relationship that appears to be heterosexual.) It felt like I couldn’t be my full self at family gatherings where ‘queerness’ was an exotic, abstract concept, yet I also couldn’t turn up at a gay bar holding hands with my boyfriend.With lack of representation and role-models in the media (how many bisexualcelebrities can you name?), many people just like me may stay closeted to avoid association with negative stereotypes of hypersexualised, unfaithful, chaotic bisexuals.For people who are already partnered when considering coming out, there’s additional complications.
Being bisexual is obviously different to identifying as gay or lesbian in that you can be in a fulfilling straight relationship.
When I thought about coming out, all I could see were negatives, and it felt difficult to tell whether they were rational or irrational.I was in a happy five-year-long relationship with a lovely man – why bother to come out?
Privately, I didn’t want to upset him, make him think I was cheating, or even risk changing our dynamic. Publicly, I didn’t want to seem like an attention-seeker or pretender.
