Few moments of my life have taught me so much about America as the time my friend Franklin stabbed me with a pencil in 9th grade.
This was in Ancient History class, where instead of listening to Mr. Dripps (his actual name) explain about the Hittites, I was doing an “imitation imitation” — you know, like an impression of Carol Channing imitating Jimmy Stewart.
I think I was doing Abe Lincoln imitating Mary Tyler Moore, in fact, when Franklin, exasperated, wheeled around from the seat in front of me, jabbed his pencil into my calf and shouted, “Why can’t you just be yourself and shut up?” It was a good question.