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What I learned (and didn’t learn) from my dating misadventures in Brazil

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Dating sucks, huh? One day, you’re grabbing pizza with your bestie in workout clothes; the next, you’re in Taco Bell with a stranger pretending you don’t have seven mental illnesses.

On top of that, underneath your coiffed hair, Curious by Britney Spears, and Spanx, you’re comparing the stranger to the five others you went on dates that week. “He’s cuter than that guy who took me to the ren fair, but not as cute as that guy who had pubic lice,” you think, assuming the sentence you’re thinking is universal and relatable.

Finally, at the end of the night, despite having successfully concealed your new pimple and old alcoholism, you still end up getting pizza with your bestie again.

Oh, and you’re 33.Well, the world is changing y’all, and messed up people with pasts of accidentally sleeping with homeless men can have better lives.

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