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Ask Howard • 04-19-24

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Virginity: Found & Lost “Over-fed, over-sexed and over here.” Such was Churchill’s poignant assessment of all the young American grunts gathering in Britain during the spring of 1944, prior to the D-Day invasion.

My, but how springtime and wartimes never change. Flash forward 80 years to a time with multiple wars running amuck, and the current of horniness in April’s air is palpably electric, as every species on Earth — battlefields be damned — suddenly becomes obsessed with the same laser-beam-focused commonality: finding their perfect mate.

Violence in the springtime is pretty much a given. Unfortunately, however, this spring we also find ourselves flailing helplessly in a quagmire of the most contentious election year ever; homelessness has exploded volcanically; Putin’s threatening outer-space nuclear war, and, here in America, our border patrols are overwhelmed by immigrants arriving by the multi-thousands daily to surrender for an amnesty that ain’t happenin’— underfed, unemployable and unstoppable, with no solution in sight.

Oh, well. At least we’ve still got mating season to enjoy … or not. Let’s just get fairytale-flatlined right to it, shall we? Dear Howard: This past Easter holiday, following a whirlwind romance, I married my Prince Charming.

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