I'm Gay and Muslim. I Saw Myself in the Quran
And the pains of childbirth [of Isa] drove her [Maryam] to the trunk of a palm tree. She said, "Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten." (19:23)I stop writing my note, stop looking at my watch, stop trying to decide what I'll eat for lunch, stop breathing for a second.
Because this verse is saying that Maryam wants to die.Maryam, of the eponymous surah we're reading, wants to die. Maryam—who has a whole chapter devoted to her in the Quran, this woman beloved to God, the mother of a prophet, held up as an example to mankind—is saying she wants to die.
In this difficult moment of childbirth, of birthing the prophet Isa, who will go on to birth the entire religion of Christianity, this Maryam is talking to God, complaining to God, screaming in pain to God that she wants to be in oblivion, forgotten.
That she wants to die.I am fourteen the year I want to die.Nothing has happened to precipitate this feeling, but that's part of the problem: Nothing happens in my life.
